


Crime of Passion

by leopardchic79



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Community: norsekink, M/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2012-10-27
Packaged: 2017-11-17 04:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leopardchic79/pseuds/leopardchic79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki's attempt at murdering Thor goes wrong. Suffering ensues. </p>
            </blockquote>





	Crime of Passion

**Author's Note:**

> I think my tenses are a bit weird in this. Also, it has not been beta'd so any mistakes are my own. Lastly, I think I've been watching too much Once Upon a Time lately...

There was sound now where there shouldn’t be…sudden and unexpected.  And above all else, painful.

He froze and opened his eyes, listening with anticipation.  For a good many moments there was nothing.  Unrelenting and finite silence.  He exhaled in relief and ignored the coldness that pricked him from the inside out.

He was slightly surprised by the feeling of emptiness he was left with now.  Perhaps it was because he had expected something _else_ …although he couldn’t say what.

Triumph maybe.  It would be a valid reaction after so many centuries of fighting.  Relief too, that he had been able to win.  Without ever admitting it to anyone, let alone himself, he added sadness to the list…and then quickly shook his head in denial.

He was _not_ sad.  He would _not_ be sad that he had finally succeeded.  He had finally killed his brother.

Frowning, he dropped his head back against the wall and shut his eyes again.  Maybe the emptiness was simply because he _had_ succeeded.  After all, he’d been trying to kill Thor for hundreds of years.  Now what?

It definitely wasn’t a question he had an answer to.

He was drawn sharply from his thoughts by another sound.  Freezing, he sat up and listened carefully.  It sounded like something broken…something low, hurt and in terrible pain.  And when he heard it again he was horrified to realize it sounded like his brother.

But that wasn’t possible.

He had watched him die.  And he had checked repeatedly for lingering signs of life.  He had spent a good many hours sitting on top of him, knife in hand, mind blank, ready to slit his throat if he so much as twitched.

Thor was _dead_.

He sat very still now, all of his energy focused on listening.  And all was quiet again for a long while.  Long enough that he became convinced he had imagined it…some byproduct of a long-buried sense of conscience.

But then it came again.  Low, soft and painful, nothing more than a whimper.  Impossible, yet painfully real.

Shaken, Loki forced himself to stand and walk back into that room and to his brother’s side.  And suddenly, everything was very, very wrong.

Thor was _not_ dead.

He was barely alive but he was most definitely not dead.  His skin was ashen and slicked with sweat.  He was trembling.  Loki chanced a look at his face and saw that his eyes were open but unseeing, clouded over in obvious pain.

Furious and unreasonably panicked, Loki whirled around and tried to catch his breath.  This was not right.  Thor had been dead.  There was no way this could have gone wrong.

He had used magic to kill his brother, not willing to leave something so important to the chances of physical force.  Although he had to admit that it would have been nice to watch and feel blood gushing over his fingers.  To watch all of that powerful life pour out under his hands.

But it wasn’t possible that his magic could have failed him.  Magic was his constant and sometimes-only companion.  Magic wouldn’t abandon or let him down.  And yet something had gone wrong.

He spun around again at the sound of another moan of pain and glared at his brother.

“You’re supposed to be dead!” he hissed.

Thor’s head turned slightly and he grimaced again in pain.  He blinked rapidly until his eyes cleared a little and focused on Loki.

Quickly, Loki realized he should’ve kept quiet.  The last thing he wanted was to get his brother’s attention.  Thor moaned again and Loki turned away in a rage.  He had to know what had happened…why it hadn’t worked.  That Thor was in such obvious pain and suffering…it didn’t matter.  In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he realized it was an unexpected bonus.  Why _shouldn’t_ he suffer?  Magic hadn’t failed him; magic knew exactly what he needed.  Perhaps this was why he’d felt so empty initially.  It had all been over so quickly that he hadn’t had time to enjoy Thor’s defeat.

He took a few steps back and crossed his arms over his chest.  He breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly and…watched.

Thor’s suffering was exquisite and irresistible.  At first it came in small doses with Thor passing in and out of consciousness, leaving Loki with moments of silence and curiosity over whether he had finally succumbed.  But the longer it went on, the less of a reprieve his brother was granted.

Loki watched him like a hawk, eagerly drinking in every writhe of pain.  Delighting in the shivers that wracked his body, in the paleness of his normally golden skin, and most of all, the ever-increasing desperation of his cries.

Those cries were wordless at first.  But soon, as Thor awakened more fully from the remnants of Loki’s spell, they turned to words.  Nonsense at first, then words and names of time long past…and then inevitably to Loki.

It wasn’t unexpected.  Loki knew that Thor knew he was near.  Even if he hadn’t glimpsed him clearly, he had to know that his current pain was due to Loki.  No one else could have got the best of him.  No one else could have killed – or almost killed – him.  It would have been insulting and Loki never would have allowed it.

For all of their fighting, Loki would never have let anyone kill Thor...because he was saving that pleasure for himself.  At least that’s what he told himself.

“Loki?”

Frowning, Loki stopped his brooding and looked over to where his brother lay.  The sound of his voice was…nothing Loki had ever heard from him before.  Hoarse and low and broken.  It made something tighten in his chest, something he forced himself to ignore.  He knew he should do something…move closer, answer Thor, gloat.  But as he listened to his older brother’s cries of pain mingled with his name, he found himself frozen in place.

“Loki…I know you’re there…”

Again that same rough and painful voice.  And again Loki couldn’t _do_ anything.  He was rooted in place, nails digging painfully into his palms, heart clenching tightly in his chest.

It was galling to think that he might fail, that Thor might survive.  Live.  That he might once again succeed in outwitting Loki’s most well-thought schemes.

And yet…the sound of his brother’s pain was quickly becoming something else.  Something he didn’t want to examine or suffer.

He _had_ to know why his spell had failed.

Finally able to move again, he swept back into the room where Thor lay and sneered harshly at him.  “Will you be quiet?  I can’t possibly think with all of your moaning.”

Thor’s face, though pinched tightly with pain, lit up at the sound and sight of his younger brother.  “Loki…” he breathed.

Loki scowled at him, irritated by the obvious relief in his voice and his eyes.  How dare Thor assume that he was here to save him now.

_ “But aren’t you?” _   A mocking voice in his head whispered.

“Shut up!” he raged, uncertain if he was talking to Thor or to the voice in his head.

He glared at Thor for a few moments before turning away.  “You’re supposed to be dead,” he muttered.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” Thor answered, the usual tone of both long-suffering humor and sadness coloring his voice.  Loki wasn’t used to hearing it sound so weak.

Struck by an errant wave of sympathy, Loki found a cloth to soak in water.  He knelt next to Thor’s side and pressed it gently against his forehead.  His skin was hot and sweaty, body trembling slightly.  Loki did his best to avoid his brother’s eyes, but as usual found himself caught in Thor’s orbit.  Their eyes met and held for a good many moments until Loki _had_ to look away again.

Too many memories that he didn’t want to remember.  Too many feelings that he couldn’t allow himself to feel.  Too much… _too much_.  All in one sad yet loving gaze.

“Thank you, Loki,” Thor murmured.

Loki was careful to keep his gaze well away from Thor’s eyes and finally breathed a sigh of relief when he fell into unconsciousness again.

He had learned the spell from someone else.  A small, gnarled creature on a distant, empty realm.  It had been simple enough that Loki wondered why he had never come across it before.  And he had practiced countless times before he’d even bothered to search for his brother.  Animals and small creatures, mortals with nameless faces.  It always worked.

_ “Remember one thing.  Kill with calculation and indifference.  Never with passion.” _

That had been the only warning the twisted being had given him.  A glint of something deadly in its dull, gray eyes.

Loki froze and shook his head sharply.  He hadn’t been stupid.  He had _asked_.

_ “Or what?  What happens if I kill with passion?” _

The creature had smiled at him – an awful sight to behold – and tilted its head to the side.  _“It may…fail you.”_   Simple words that even then Loki had known to be a cover.  But he hadn’t worried; he’d taken his prize and had given his payment before watching the creature disappear into the ground.

He had never bargained on _this_.

He had used the spell coldly and without a speck of passion…or so he’d thought.  Obviously, something had gone wrong.  He hadn’t…maybe he hadn’t completely separated his desire to kill his brother from the calculated execution.

Or maybe he didn’t hate Thor completely.  Maybe he never had.  Maybe he had hidden his own heart away so deeply and completely that he didn’t even know what it wanted.

“No,” he whispered, shaking his head furiously as he turned again to look at Thor.  His thoughts were a storm inside of his mind and his hand shook as he reached out to touch his brother.  He slid his fingers into golden locks and exhaled in a shaky rush.  Leaning closer, he pressed his other hand to Thor’s neck and rested his forehead against his temple.

“You take everything from me,” Loki whispered.  “This too?”  

He stayed that way for a while, ignoring the messy deluge of feelings in his mind.  Ignoring the slowly growing feeling of helplessness.  Ignoring everything except the strange, unwelcome peace he had only ever felt from being close to his older brother.

Eventually, Thor’s breathing became shallower and he stirred beneath Loki’s touch.  Pulling back a little, Loki eyed him carefully and frowned.  It was strangely unnerving to see him this way.  Pale, sweaty, shaky…broken.  There was only one other instance he could recall in all their hundreds of years together in which Thor had looked so fragile.

Battle wounds were one thing, but there had only been once…one time when Loki’s fear had been more than just a fleeting annoyance.  It had been a poison no one had encountered before, delivered by a trick that no one had counted on.  Not even Loki.  It had nearly killed Thor, and Loki had been terrified.

“Loki?”

Thor’s blue eyes were cloudy and he grimaced again in pain.  “Loki, what…what have you done to me?” he asked, voice soft and hoarse.

Loki glared at him, though he continued smoothing his fingers through Thor’s hair, unsure if he was doing it to comfort his brother or himself.

“Failed to kill you,” he muttered in response.

Silence was his only reply for a while…silence and the sound of Thor’s labored breathing.  Thor kept very still – probably to help ease the pain – and shut his eyes, but Loki knew he wasn’t asleep.  He stayed close and watched his brother carefully, still trying to figure out what to do next.

“Why?” Thor asked, breaking the silence.  He opened his eyes for a moment to meet Loki’s gaze before squeezing them shut in pain again.

Loki frowned and glared at him.  “Why did I try to kill you?” he sneered.

Thor shook his head and laughed humorlessly, an action that brought on a large shudder of pain.  Loki watched helplessly as he bit his lip and suffered through it.  Eventually, the pain lessened and Thor took a few deep breaths before opening his eyes again to meet Loki’s.

“I’m well aware of why you want to kill me,” he said softly.  Despite the roughness of his voice, he still managed to sound sad in a way that Loki had never been able to deal with.  Their gaze held for a few moments.  “I want to know why you failed.”

Loki’s eyes were sharp but for once his tongue was not.  He had to look away again, instead watching his fingers play idly with the ends of Thor’s hair.

“I’m not entirely sure,” he murmured finally.  “I think…” he paused and drew in a shaky breath.  Despite the fact that Thor was currently the weaker of the two, it was Loki who felt vulnerable.  “The spell required me to kill without passion.  I don’t…believe that I managed that.”

“Because you hate me?  Isn’t that _full_ of passion?  You’ve been doing it for centuries…”  His voice was surprisingly bitter, and that was not something Loki had heard before.  

Whenever they fought there was always reluctance in Thor’s actions and in his words.  There was sadness and a resigned sort of heartbreak that he had never seemed to overcome.  No matter what Loki did, Thor always seemed to hold out some sort of hope that they could be at peace again.  That they could reconcile.  His anger was always fleeting.

And for ages, Loki had hated that.  He _wanted_ Thor’s anger, wanted him to give up and to hate him.  But now…now with a few simple words in a tone he wasn’t used to, a tone that was so unnatural for Thor…well, now he wasn’t so sure.  Maybe ending their centuries-long dance was not what he wanted.

Loki shook his head and bit his lip, face twisting with hurt.  “No…because it’s not just hate Thor,” he explained quietly.  “It never was…no matter what I tried to pretend or how much I tried to convince you.  And myself.”

Admitting it out loud wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t as difficult as he expected either.  Not that he had spent a lot of time thinking about it.  He actively tried _not_ to think about it.

Thor coughed harshly, shuddering in pain and squeezing his eyes shut.  When he managed to catch his breath again, he opened his eyes and looked at Loki sadly, all traces of bitterness gone.  He reached out blindly and Loki couldn’t stop himself from making it easier on him.  He bent closer and slipped his hand into Thor’s, squeezing his fingers tightly.  Thor didn’t say anything, but Loki knew.  Loki knew that this was what his older brother had always wanted ever since they had found themselves on opposite ends of…everything.  He wanted Loki to meet him halfway.

“Thor…” his voice was low, shaky…uncertain.  He couldn’t let go of so many years of anger, jealousy and hatred.  But now, faced with Thor’s near-death, he could no longer deny the other side of those feelings.  Pain, sadness, regret and love above everything else.

Thor squeezed his hand lightly – all that he could manage – and murmured Loki’s name.  Their eyes met and Loki found himself unable to look away, even when his eyes blurred with tears and he squeezed Thor’s hand back tightly.  When Thor’s eyes closed in pain again, Loki felt his chest tighten.  He leaned closer still so that he could press his face against Thor’s chest.  He ran his other hand lightly up and down his body, wanting suddenly to soothe.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.  He said it again and again into Thor’s chest, his neck and against his temple.

“Loki…” 

Loki looked up again and pressed his hand to the side of Thor’s face.  His brother’s eyes were, once again, clenched tightly shut in pain, and Loki just wanted to make it stop now.  He wasn’t ready to forget everything, to forgive, to let go of his hurt or his anger.  But he couldn’t do _this_.  He couldn’t watch Thor suffer this way any longer.  What had started off as something he’d been craving had quickly turned into something he couldn’t bear.

He shut his eyes and exhaled slowly as he stood up.  He waved both hands slowly over Thor’s body, murmuring softly to reverse the spell.

But when he opened his eyes, nothing had changed.  Thor’s skin was still waxy and ashen, his body still trembling, his face still contorted with pain.

Frowning, Loki touched him gently and sucked in a sharp breath.  The spell was still there.  He could feel it.  More frantically this time, he said the words to pull away the dark magic that was hurting his brother, but again it did nothing.

Thor opened his eyes again and they were clouded over with pain.  “Loki…please…”

“I’m trying!” he cried.

He attempted something different…casting a spell to take away Thor’s pain, rather than just reverse his initial spell.  He tried to use his limited knowledge of healing to ease what he could.  Nothing worked.

He thought back to the creature that had given him the spell and wondered if this is what it had meant when it had warned against killing with passion.  If this is what it had meant when it had said the spell would fail.  Loki had never asked how to reverse it, but the thought had never crossed his mind.  After all, he’d thought that this was what he’d wanted above anything else.

 “Loki…please...please make it stop,” Thor whimpered.  Loki couldn’t imagine the amount of pain Thor must be in for him to sound so desperate and small.  If there was one thing his brother could handle, it was pain.

Feeling more helpless than he ever had before, Loki collapsed and buried his face in Thor’s chest.  “It won’t work.  I don’t know what to do to end the spell.  I…I’m so sorry.  I didn’t…I didn’t want…”

“Loki…brother…please just…just end this…”

“I just _told_ you, I’m trying!  I can’t!” he snarled, wiping angrily at the tears that fell onto his cheeks.

Thor shook his head sadly and reached out; fingers shaking a little as they brushed Loki’s tears away and then carefully tucked a strand of dark hair behind his ear.  “No.  That’s not…not what I meant.  Just…end this.  Please.”

Loki froze.  His eyes widened and he shook his head frantically.  “No,” he whispered.  “No, no, no…I can’t…”

Thor laughed, short and humorless.  His eyes flashed with something dark and Loki felt his chest tighten painfully.  “And yet you could earlier.  Have you forgotten so quickly?  You tried to kill me with a spell you couldn’t control and now you have cold feet?”

Loki continued to shake his head, tears falling freely from his eyes now.  “Thor, I can’t,” he pleaded.

“Why, because I’m asking you to?”

For once, Loki couldn’t answer him.  Thor was right, of course.  Not an hour earlier, he’d cast a spell with the sole purpose of murdering his brother.  But now…now that it hadn’t worked and so much had changed in such a very short period of time…he couldn’t do it.  And yet he couldn’t let Thor suffer this way either.

He knelt down again and gripped Thor’s hand between his own, slipping his fingers between Thor’s and meeting his brother’s eyes again.  There was pain there, but also sadness and concern.

The anger was gone from his voice when he spoke again.  “Loki...I know this isn’t what you wanted.  I don’t fault you for this.”

Loki glared at him.  “You’re an idiot, Thor,” he scoffed.  “Only you wouldn’t blame me for trying to kill you.”

Thor smiled sadly and attempted a shrug, though it was obvious that it caused him pain.  “I love you, Loki.  I always have.  I don’t know why you’ve always insisted on not believing me.”

Loki laughed, smiling fondly at him when Thor’s eyes softened.  

“I’ve missed hearing your laugh,” Thor murmured.  He reached out with his other hand and laid it gently against Loki’s cheek.

Loki couldn’t help the tears that blurred his vision again, and his smile quickly dissolved.  He leaned forward and pressed his face into Thor’s neck, tears falling hot and steadily against his brother’s skin.  Thor’s fingers combed slowly through his dark hair, pressing against the back of his neck and keeping him close.

They stayed that way for a little while, but when another wave of pain made Thor shudder and moan, Loki lifted his head and drew in a shaky breath.  He knew he had to do this for his brother, but he was not sure how he would live with himself afterwards.  It was an ironic punishment to be sure.  He’d wanted to end Thor’s life for so long, but now…now that he’d been given a free pass, he found that killing him was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Loki…”

He nodded quickly and forced himself to disregard his feelings for the moment.  There would be plenty of time to regret and mourn and hate himself later.  He pulled a blade from his armor, ignoring yet another pulse of agony when he realized it was the knife Thor had given him many, many years ago as a gift.  He’d had no use for it at the time, but he’d kept it simply because it was a gift from his brother and at that time such things had still mattered to him.  It seemed somehow fitting that he would use it now to end Thor’s life.

He took another deep breath and gripped the knife hard.  “Thor…”  He couldn’t say any or all of what he wanted to say.  For the first time in a very long time, he just couldn’t find the words.

Thor reached out and grasped his trembling hand.  “I know Loki,” he answered softly, eyes meeting Loki’s steadily.  “I know.”

Loki felt could barely breathe.  He swallowed over a lump in his throat and leaned forward, his free hand cupping Thor’s cheek in his hand.  “Goodbye, brother…”  Squeezing his eyes shut over tears, Loki pressed his lips firmly against Thor’s and kissed him.

He lingered longer than he should have, doing his best to ignore all of the feelings assaulting his heart, but when he finally pulled back his tears fell against Thor’s cheeks.  He pressed his forehead to Thor’s and slid his hand into his soft hair, stroking for just a moment before yanking his head back and exposing his throat.  He knew he couldn’t hesitate or else he wouldn’t be able to do it, so he raised the hand with the blade and brought it down quickly.

To his great surprise, Thor’s hand shot out at the last second, grabbed Loki’s wrist and stopped him from slitting his throat.

Loki shook his head furiously and moaned, tears streaking his pale skin.  “Don’t stop me now, Thor!  I won’t be able to do it again!”

Thor squeezed his wrist tightly and sat up, reaching out to gather Loki into his arms and soothe his frantic motions.  “It’s gone, Loki!  The pain…it’s gone.”  He shook the knife from Loki’s grip so that it clattered to the floor and cupped his face between his palms.  He shook him gently.  “Loki…brother.  It’s gone.”

Loki met his blue eyes for just a moment before he fell forward against Thor’s chest and wept. 

Thor held him tightly, one hand moving gently through his hair, the other around his back.  He pressed his lips to the top of Loki’s head and shut his eyes.  There weren’t any words he could come up with to soothe Loki’s tears, but he’d always been better with actions, so he just kept Loki close and waited.

In turn, Loki clung to him.  It had been a very long time since he’d so openly sought comfort from his older brother, but he couldn’t even bring himself to pretend that he didn’t want Thor’s embrace.  

They stayed wrapped up in one another’s arms for a long while, even after Loki’s tears ceased.  It was comfortable and undeniably familiar and neither wanted to move.  For the first time in so many years, they were at peace with one another.  It didn’t mean it would last – Loki _knew_ it wouldn’t – but for now, it didn’t matter.

Eventually, they pulled apart slightly, yet they remained close.  Loki sighed against Thor’s neck and leaned back a little so he could look into his brother’s eyes.  Thor smiled at him and reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, an action that made Loki’s heart shiver a little.

He was still curious though.  “So the pain simply ended?  Just like that?” he asked, voice a little more hoarse than he would’ve liked.

Thor nodded.  “It did.  Right after you kissed me.”

Thoughtful, Loki simply looked at him for a few moments.  On impulse he reached out and grasped Thor’s hand, tangling their fingers together.  “It couldn’t have just been the kiss that broke the spell,” he murmured, more to himself than to Thor. 

“Maybe it wasn’t just the kiss…but the feelings you put into it.”

Loki rolled his eyes and smirked at him.  “Like a Midgardian fairytale?  A kiss of true love?”

Thor raised his eyebrows and shrugged in response.

 “I don’t think that’s how it works, Thor,” Loki said, laughing.  “The villain can’t be the one to save the hero.”

Thor reached out and slid his hand to the back of Loki’s neck; he leaned forward so that their foreheads were almost touching.  “The villain wouldn’t have been so reluctant and upset to kill the hero.  I don’t think it was coincidence that your kiss broke the spell.”

Loki scowled.  “It was just a kiss.”

Thor laughed softly and tugged gently on his hair.  “It was more than that.  It was desperate and sad and regretful and…it was full of love.”

“You got all of that from a goodbye kiss?” he sneered.

Thor shook his head, still smiling.  "I got all of that from _you_."  Before Loki could argue further, Thor closed the distance between them and kissed him.

Loki wanted to pull away to protest and insist that he wasn't that transparent, but for once arguing seemed to be pointless.  Instead, he let himself sink into Thor's kiss – less devastating now that he wasn't about to slit his throat – and ignore everything else.  He wrapped his arms around Thor’s shoulders and settled himself in his lap.  It had been a long time, but this was still so familiar.  He let Thor pull him closer and shivered a little when the kiss deepened.  Thor’s fingers were warm against the back of his neck and then in the hollow beneath his ears.  Their tongues touched and tangled and Loki couldn’t help letting out a small moan.  Thor smiled against his mouth in return and Loki growled and bit down on his lip.  No matter what they were doing it always seemed to be like this in one way or another.  Competitive.  Heated.  And an endless, unbreakable connection.

When they finally pulled apart many long minutes later they were both flushed and breathing heavily.  Thor smiled warmly at him and Loki smirked in response…although it resembled a smile more than he would’ve liked.  Admitting defeat didn’t seem like such a big deal at the moment though.  Sighing, he leaned forward again and dropped his head to Thor’s shoulder, arms wrapping loosely around his waist.  Thor held him close in return and pressed a kiss to his temple.

“So…peace?  For a little while at least?” Thor murmured into his hair, an edge of hopefulness in his tone.

There was a part of Loki that wanted to immediately reject his brother’s words and the kind, gentle voice that carried them.  He knew that part of him would always be there, waiting and ready to pounce.  But for the moment it was quiet.  Perhaps it was as exhausted as Loki currently felt.

He hummed against Thor’s shoulder and nodded very slightly.  It wasn’t much of an answer, but it was one Loki knew his brother would understand.

Peace wasn’t something they had shared in a very long time.  It sounded surprisingly good.

For now.

**Author's Note:**

> From a Norsekink community prompt [found here.](http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3231.html?thread=7535007)


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